Before that, I didn’t understand that there were people out there who preferred a round body with curves and boobs and a butt and lots of fat.Now I know that the skinny white girl is not the ideal to everyone.A man approached me on the subway when I was 24 and wanted my phone number desperately. I was once fooling around with someone I’d been out with a few times.He kept saying over and over, “I think you’re beautiful.” My first instinct was, This is a joke, someone put him up to it—which says a lot about where I was at that point. Experience, age and understanding that a lot of people attracted to me because of (or in spite of) my size takes away some of the nervousness I used to feel on dates. I was trying to move over him, and he said, “Your weight is hurting me.” That brought me back to reality. I was wearing a new outfit and these really hot tights, and in one fell swoop, he brought me down a little bit.I was embarrassed and annoyed, already contemplating how I was going to get out at the end. I’ve dieted my whole life and can’t remember a time when I wasn’t concerned about my weight.
And I’ve been contacted by men on BBW sites who ask me if I’m open to a feeding relationship, which I’m not.I was surprised because we’d never talked about my size being an issue.And a lot of men who are attracted to plus-size women love the feeling of weight.I think they like the juxtaposition of hard and soft.They like the feeling of being with someone who’s bigger than they are and the voluptuousness of another body.